Friday, December 22, 2006

Fwd: some of you might find these funny

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man
her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we
just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE
because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing
your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing
your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free
from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness -


11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because
as per
Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Differences between Real and Fake Friends!

Differences between Real and Fake Friends!

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FAKE FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was
REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we screwed up ...
but it was fun!"

FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your things so long that they forget its yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE FRIENDS: will talk behind your back to the person who is abusing
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them out!

FAKE FRIENDS: Would ignore this
REAL FRIENDS: Will send this to all there real friends........

Friday, December 01, 2006

Strange forward

I have lost my HB pencil with a rubber attached. The pencil costs
Rs.3/. If u forward this msg I will get one paisa from Maha Kangaal
Bank. If you have heart and want to help a poor child in need, plz fwd
it to atleast 10 friends. Please don't neglect. Otherwise my mom will
scold me. If you forward it then your life will change for ever. You
will win a mega bumper lottery. Good Luck will come to you for wasting
time & forwarding this nonsense message. May God bless you.

Note: Yes I did receive even THIS message. Just goes to show how
blindly we forward messages.
BTW in case u r wondering if I have forwarded this message 2 anyone
the answer is NO.

Don't ever miss an oppourtunity

A young man wished to marry the farmer's beautiful daughter. He went
to the farmer to ask his permission. The farmer looked him over and
said, "Son, go stand out in that field. I'm going to release three
bulls, one at a time. If you can catch the tail of any one of the
three bulls, you can marry my daughter."

The young man stood in the pasture awaiting the
first bull. The barn door opened and out ran the biggest,
meanest-looking bull he had ever seen. He decided that one of the next
bulls had to be a better choice than this one, so he ran over to the
side and let the bull pass through the pasture out the back gate. The
barn door opened again.
Unbelievable. He had never seen anything so big and fierce in

his life.

It stood pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber as it eyed him.
Whatever the next bull was like, it had to be a better choice than
this one. He ran to the fence and let the bull pass through the
pasture, out the back gate.

The door opened a third time. A smile came across his
face. This was the weakest, scrawniest little bull he had ever seen.
This one was his bull. As the bull came running by, he positioned
himself just right and jumped at just the exact moment. He grabbed...
but the bull had no tail!

Moral of the Story : Life is full of opportunities. Some will be easy
to take advantage of, some will be difficult. But once we let them
pass (often in hopes of something better), those opportunities may
never again be available. So always grab the first opportunity.

Have A Nice Day :-)

Fwd: Safety Tips

Ladies... I think it is important to read the following info for your
own safety.
· Things women should know to stay safe: Please take the time to read
these pointers. There may just be one or two you hadn't thought of.
After reading
this, forward it to someone you care about. It never hurts to be
careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If
you are close enough to use it, do it!

2. If a robber asks for your handbag, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it
away from you.... he is probably more interested in your handbag than
you and he will go for the handbag. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER

3. If you are ever thrown into the boot of a car: Kick out the back tail
lights and stick your arm through the hole and start waving. The
driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,
eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their cheque book, or
making a list). DON'T DO THIS! A predator could be watching you, and
this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a car park:
A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger
side floor, and check the back seat.
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the
passenger door. Most attackers surprise their victims by pulling them
into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and
the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest
your car, you may want to walk back into the shop, or work, and get a
guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE
THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the lift instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible
places to be alone (and the perfect crime spot.)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN!
The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even
then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may
get you killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well
educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He
walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle
or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a
crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the
police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police
told her 'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." The lady then said
that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was
worried that it would crawl to the street & get run over. The
policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do,
DO NOT open the door.

"He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded
and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone
dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had
several calls by women saying that they hear babies' cries outside
their doors when they're home alone at night. Please pass this on and
DO NOT open the door for a crying baby.

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life.
A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this
to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives,
sisters, daughters,
etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world
we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better safe than sorry.
The above is directed at women but remember, guys you may also be
targeted the same way or your girlfriend/wife.

Useful Coffin

A Patel family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin
of their dead
mother arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the

The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the
coffin, with no
space left in it when they opened the lid; they found
a letter on top
addressed to her brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Mohan and Varsha,

I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish
that she should
be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave
is consumed. You
will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans
of cheese, 10
Packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam.
Please divide
these among all of you. On Ba's feet you will find a
new pair of
Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2
pairs of shoes
for Radha's and Lakshmi 's sons. Hope the sizes are

Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is
for Mohan. Just
distribute the rest among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans
that Ba's is
wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema
wanted is on
Ba's left wrist.

Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and
ring that you
asked for. Please take them off her.

The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be
divided among my
nephews. Please distribute all these fairly.

Love Smita

PS: And if anything more required let me know soon as
Bapuji is also
not feeling too well nowadays...


One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what
happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and
he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,
Thats how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.
What the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today
was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was
running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at
the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two

Patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell
happened to youuuuuu.....?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"



TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math
multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
____________ _

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
____________ _

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
____________ __

TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have ten years ago.
____________ __

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________ __

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
____________ _

TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
same day, same time."
____________ _

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down
his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing
it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."
____________ __

TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say
prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. *
*___________ ____

TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
____________ __

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.*