Friday, December 22, 2006

Fwd: some of you might find these funny

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man
tells
her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are
CLOSED.


2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not
their
friends.


5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and
Best
Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all
your
Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a
forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should
KILL
him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we
will
just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE
him
because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.


8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing
in
your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing
in
your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their
MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.


10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free
you
from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness -
Please


PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because
as per
Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Differences between Real and Fake Friends!

Differences between Real and Fake Friends!

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FAKE FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was
wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we screwed up ...
but it was fun!"

FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your things so long that they forget its yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is
doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE FRIENDS: will talk behind your back to the person who is abusing
you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them out!

FAKE FRIENDS: Would ignore this
REAL FRIENDS: Will send this to all there real friends........

Friday, December 01, 2006

Strange forward

I have lost my HB pencil with a rubber attached. The pencil costs
Rs.3/. If u forward this msg I will get one paisa from Maha Kangaal
Bank. If you have heart and want to help a poor child in need, plz fwd
it to atleast 10 friends. Please don't neglect. Otherwise my mom will
scold me. If you forward it then your life will change for ever. You
will win a mega bumper lottery. Good Luck will come to you for wasting
time & forwarding this nonsense message. May God bless you.

***************************************************
Note: Yes I did receive even THIS message. Just goes to show how
blindly we forward messages.
BTW in case u r wondering if I have forwarded this message 2 anyone
the answer is NO.

Don't ever miss an oppourtunity

A young man wished to marry the farmer's beautiful daughter. He went
to the farmer to ask his permission. The farmer looked him over and
said, "Son, go stand out in that field. I'm going to release three
bulls, one at a time. If you can catch the tail of any one of the
three bulls, you can marry my daughter."

The young man stood in the pasture awaiting the
first bull. The barn door opened and out ran the biggest,
meanest-looking bull he had ever seen. He decided that one of the next
bulls had to be a better choice than this one, so he ran over to the
side and let the bull pass through the pasture out the back gate. The
barn door opened again.
Unbelievable. He had never seen anything so big and fierce in

his life.

It stood pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber as it eyed him.
Whatever the next bull was like, it had to be a better choice than
this one. He ran to the fence and let the bull pass through the
pasture, out the back gate.

The door opened a third time. A smile came across his
face. This was the weakest, scrawniest little bull he had ever seen.
This one was his bull. As the bull came running by, he positioned
himself just right and jumped at just the exact moment. He grabbed...
but the bull had no tail!

Moral of the Story : Life is full of opportunities. Some will be easy
to take advantage of, some will be difficult. But once we let them
pass (often in hopes of something better), those opportunities may
never again be available. So always grab the first opportunity.


Have A Nice Day :-)

Fwd: Safety Tips

Ladies... I think it is important to read the following info for your
own safety.
· Things women should know to stay safe: Please take the time to read
these pointers. There may just be one or two you hadn't thought of.
After reading
this, forward it to someone you care about. It never hurts to be
careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If
you are close enough to use it, do it!


2. If a robber asks for your handbag, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it
away from you.... he is probably more interested in your handbag than
you and he will go for the handbag. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER
DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the boot of a car: Kick out the back tail
lights and stick your arm through the hole and start waving. The
driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,
eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their cheque book, or
making a list). DON'T DO THIS! A predator could be watching you, and
this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger
side, and attack you. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS
AND LEAVE.


5. A few notes about getting into your car in a car park:
A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger
side floor, and check the back seat.
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the
passenger door. Most attackers surprise their victims by pulling them
into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and
the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest
your car, you may want to walk back into the shop, or work, and get a
guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE
THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the lift instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible
places to be alone (and the perfect crime spot.)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN!
The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even
then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may
get you killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well
educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He
walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle
or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a
crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the
police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police
told her 'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." The lady then said
that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was
worried that it would crawl to the street & get run over. The
policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do,
DO NOT open the door.

"He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded
and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone
dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had
several calls by women saying that they hear babies' cries outside
their doors when they're home alone at night. Please pass this on and
DO NOT open the door for a crying baby.

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life.
A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this
to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives,
sisters, daughters,
etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.


Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world
we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better safe than sorry.
The above is directed at women but remember, guys you may also be
targeted the same way or your girlfriend/wife.

Useful Coffin

A Patel family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin
of their dead
mother arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the
daughters.

The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the
coffin, with no
space left in it when they opened the lid; they found
a letter on top
addressed to her brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Mohan and Varsha,

I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish
that she should
be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in
GUJARAT.

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave
is consumed. You
will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans
of cheese, 10
Packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam.
Please divide
these among all of you. On Ba's feet you will find a
new pair of
Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2
pairs of shoes
for Radha's and Lakshmi 's sons. Hope the sizes are
correct.

Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is
for Mohan. Just
distribute the rest among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans
that Ba's is
wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema
wanted is on
Ba's left wrist.

Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and
ring that you
asked for. Please take them off her.

The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be
divided among my
nephews. Please distribute all these fairly.

Love Smita

PS: And if anything more required let me know soon as
Bapuji is also
not feeling too well nowadays...

Misfortune!

One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what
happened to your back?"


The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and
he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,
Thats how I strained my back"


The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.
What the hell happened to you?"


He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today
was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was
running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at
the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."


The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two

Patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell
happened to youuuuuu.....?"


"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

Fwd: KIDS IN GRADE SCHOOL THINK FAST

*KIDS IN GRADE SCHOOL THINK FAST

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math
multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
____________ _

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
____________ _

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
____________ __

TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!
____________ __

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________ __

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
____________ _

TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
same day, same time."
____________ _

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down
his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing
it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."
____________ __

TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say
prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. *
*___________ ____

TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
____________ __

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.*

Friday, November 24, 2006

best reply to a breakup letter.............

Best Breakup Letter EVER!!
>
>A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from
>his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
>
>Dear Ricky,
>I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us
>is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice,
>since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.
>I'm sorry.
>Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
>
>Love, Becky…………..
>
>The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
>snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or
>ex-girlfriends.
>In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other
>pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There
>were 57 photos in that envelope….along with this note:
>...
>...
>Dear Becky,
>I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the
>hell you are.
>Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to
>me.
>
>Take Care,
>Ricky

It's too hilarious.....(no offence or personal references intended)

Women oh Women!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed
to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you
wish for, your husband will get Ten times of that The woman said, "That's
okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make
your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women
will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful
Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most
beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, That will make your husband the richest man in the
world and he will be ten times richer than you.

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his
is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd
like a mild heart attack!!"

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.


Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you, Stop
here and continue feeling good.....


Male readers: Please scroll down

*

*

*

*

*

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really
smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this, it only goes to
show that women never listen!!! that is why you read it even after our
advise to stop!HaHa

Fwd: her diary v/s his diary.....

Subject: : her diary v/s his diary.....


HER DIARY:
Day night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet
at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all
day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit
late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I
suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed
but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it
was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with
me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he
simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I
don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted
nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV, he
seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10
minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it
anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had
fallen asleep.
I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what
to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My
life is a disaster.
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
'
'
'
`
.
.
.

.
.
`
`
HIS DIARY
Today India lost the cricket match. DAMN IT.

Fwd: SOFTWARE - BARBER

There was a good old barber in Bangalore . One day a
florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the
barber
and the barber replies:

I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am
doing
a Community Service.
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his
door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to
pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is
happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at
his
door.

A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the
barber
again refuses the money saying that it was a community
service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, guess what he finds there......

Scroll down for answer... . . . . . . .. . . . ...
..
(Believe me it's worth it!!!!!!!!!! )
...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


..
...

...

A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free
haircut... with Printouts of
Forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Important!

Carefully read true story.


Date: Mon, 25 Sep 2006 15:18:47 +0530
1.) This is a true story, it has been confirmed, the Medical Centre
phone number at the end of this story is real.
This guy went out on a Saturday night a few weeks ago to a party. He
was having a good time and had a couple of beers and some girl seemed to
like him & invited him to go to another party.
He quickly agreed & decided to go along with her. She took him to a
party in some apartment and they continued to drink & even got involved
with some drug (unknown). The next thing he knew, he woke up completely naked
in a bathtub filled with ice. He was still feeling the effects of the
drugs, but looked around to see he was alone.
He looked down at his chest, which had CALL 000 or YOU'LL DIE"
written on it with lipstick. He saw a phone was on a stand next to the tub so
he Picked it up & dialled. He explained to the EMS operator what the
situation was & that he didn't know where he was, what he took, or why he was
really calling. She advised him to get out of the tub. He did, and he
appeared normal, so she told him to check his back. He did, he found two 9
inch slits on his lower back.
She told him to get back into = the tub immediately, and they sent a
rescue team over. Apparently, after being examined, he found out more of
what had happened. His kidneys were stolen. They were worth
$10,000 each on the black market. He is currently in the hospital on
a life support, awaiting a spare kidney.
I wish to warn you about a new crime ring that is targeting business
travellers. This ring is well organized and well funded, has very
skilled personnel & is currently operating in most major cities around the
world and recently very active in Sydney. The crime begins when a business
traveller goes to a lounge for a drink at the end of the work day. A
person in the bar walks up as they sit alone and offers to buy them a
drink. The last thing the traveler remembers until they wake up in a hotel room
bathtub, their body submerged to their neck in ice, is sipping that
drink. There is a note taped to the wall instructing them not to move and
to call 000. A phone is on the small table next to the bathtub for them to
call. The business traveller calls 000 who have been quite familiar with
this crime.The business traveller is instructed by the 000 operator to
very slowly and carefully reach behind them and feel there is a tube
protruding from the back. The business traveller finds the tube and answers
"YES". The 000 operator tells them to remain still, having already sent
paramedics to help. The Operator knows that both of the traveller's kidneys had
been harvested. This is not a scam or out of science fiction novel. It is
real. It is documented and confirmable. If you travel or someone close to
you travels, please be careful. Sadly, this is very true.
I REALLY WANT AS MANY PEOPLE TO SEE THIS AS POSSIBLE SO PLEASE
BOUNCE THIS
TO WHOEVER YOU CAN.
Michele Shafer
ML/Lab Administration
Medical Manager Research & Development
99 Missenden RD , Camperdown, Sydney 2000
Tel:(029)5156111;Fax:(029)4621505

2. I was approached yesterday afternoon around 3.30 pm in the Car
parking lot by two males, asking what kind of perfume I was wearing. Then
they asked if I'd like to sample some fabulous Scent they were willing to
sell me at a very reasonable rate. I probably would have agreed had I not
received an email some weeks ago, warning of this scam.
The men continued to stand between parked cars, I guess to wait for
someone else to hit on. I stopped a lady going towards them, I pointed at
them and told her about how I was sent an email at Work
about someone walking up to you at the malls, in parking lots, and
Asking you to sniff perfume that they are selling at a cheap price.

THIS IS NOT PERFUME - IT IS ETHER!

When you sniff it, you'll pass out and they'll take Your wallet,
your valuables, and heaven knows what else. If it were not for this
email, I probably would have sniffed the "perfume", but thanks to the
generosity of an emailing friend, I was spared whatever might Have
happened to me,
and wanted to do the same for you.

LET EVERYONE KNOW ABOUT THIS, YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, CO-WORKERS,

If we were in Pakistan

If we were in Pakistan, our options for professional courses after Std. XII
would be as follows :

JEE - Jehadic Entrance Examination

IIT - Islamic Institute of Terrorism

IIM - Institute of Infiltration Management

CAT - Career in Alqaida & Taliban

IAS - Iraq after Saddam

M Tech - Masters in Terror Technology

GATE - General Aptitude in Terror and Extremism

TOEFL - Test of Extremist Foreign Languages

GRE - Graduate in Relocation Extremism

MBBS - Master of Bomb Blasting Strategies

MBA - Master of Bombing Administration

--
*********************************************************************************
http://outspoken-thirdview.blogspot.com

http://outspoken-betterindia.blogspot.com
*********************************************************************************

check this out.

>
>At the end of this message, you are asked a question.
>
>Answer it immediately. Don't stop and think about it.
>
>Just say the first thing that pops into your mind.
>
>
>This is a fun "test"... AND kind of spooky at the same time! Give it a
>try, then e-mail it around (including back to me) and you'll see how
>many people you know fall into the same percentage as you. Be sure to
>put
>in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2%. You'll
>understand what that means after you finish taking the "test."
>
>Now - just follow the instructions as quickly as possible.
>
>
>
>Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous
>one..
>
>
>
>You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using
>your mind.
>
>
>You'll be surprised.
>
>
>
>Start:
>
>
>How much is:
>15 + 6
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>I know! Calculations are hard work, but it's! nearly over..
>
>
>Come on, one more! ...
>
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>If this is not your answer, you are among 2% of people who have a
>different, if not abnormal, mind.
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>98% of the folks would answer a red hammer while doing this exercise.
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>If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see.
>
>Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the
>2%[:P]

Sunday, November 05, 2006

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...
1. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.


2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the
screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and
you
turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee.

11. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

12. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.

13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on
this
list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to!! And Yes, I
was
laughing and I did scroll back to see that there wasn't a #9

Saturday, October 28, 2006

10 Biggest Brain Damaging Habits

10 Biggest Brain Damaging Habits

1. No Breakfast

People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level. This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain

causing brain degeneration.

2. Overeating


It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.

3. Smoking

It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.


4. High Sugar consumption


Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.


5. Air Pollution


The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a

decrease in brain efficiency.

6. Sleep Deprivation

Sleep allows our brain to rest. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.

7. Head covered while sleeping

Sleeping with the head covered increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects.


8. Working your brain during illness

Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain.


9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts


Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.


10. Talking Rarely

A love letter from an HR

A love letter from an HR
Love Letter by an H.R.--> Coolest One

How does a dedicated HR chap start off his love life?
I know... a letter is one of the first things that anyone can think of
and so does he too.
This was his first letter to his love.

Enjoy the Fun.


Mumbai
03-Nov-2000

Sub: Offer of love!

To Juliet
Grade 7.0 S.M

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you
since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held
between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present
myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation
for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be
made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be
continuous on the Love training and performance appraisal schemes
leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be
shared equally between us. Later,based on your performance,I might
take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded
enough to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to
kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which,
this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be
considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if
you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

Romeo(H.R.D)

Monkeys v/s management policies

8 monkeys v/s management policies(a bit lengthy text
....but....u'lll.....enjoy)


Management : *8 Monkeys* ... ..*really** very interesting*

(This is based on an actual experiment conducted in U.K.)

*Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the

room is a ladder,

leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on

the ceiling.*


*Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all

the monkeys are sprayed

with ice water, which makes them miserable.*

**

*Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb

the ladder, all of the

other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon

him and beat him up.

Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to

climb the ladder.*

**

*One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a

new monkey is put in the

room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders

why none of the other

monkeys are doing the obvious. But undaunted, he

immediately begins to climb

the ladder.*

**

*All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him

silly. He has no idea why.

However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.*

**

*A second original monkey is removed and replaced.

The newcomer again

attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other

monkeys hammer the crap out

of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who,

grateful that he's not

on the receiving end this time, participates in the

beating because all the

other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea

why he's attacking the

new monkey.*

**

*One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced.

Eight new monkeys are

now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed

by ice water. None of

them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will

enthusiastically beat up

any new monkey who tries, without having any idea

why.*

**

*This is how any company's policies get

Establish.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

father knows best


>
>Father Knows Best...
>
>  A young boy had just gotten his driver's license
>
>  and  inquired of his father, if they could discuss his use  of the car.
>
>  His father said he'd make a deal with his  son.
>
>"You bring your grades up from a C to a B  average,
>
>study your Bible a little,
>
>  get your hair cut  and
>
>  we'll talk about the car."
>
>   The boy thought about that for a moment,
>
>  decided he'd  settle for the offer and they agreed on it.
>
>   After about six weeks his father said,
>
>  "Son, I've been  real proud.
>
>  You  brought your grades up and
>
>  I've  observed that you have been studying your Bible,
>
>but  I'm real disappointed you haven't gotten your hair  cut."
>
>   The young man   paused a moment then said,
>
>  "You know,  Dad, I've been thinking about that,
>
>  and I've noticed  in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair,
>
>  John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair  and
>
>    there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long  hair."
>
>    To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they  all walked
>everywhere they went?"
>

Monday, October 23, 2006

cool couplets

A local newspaper (in England) ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.



My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"






I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.


Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.


Oh loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face


Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not


I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face


I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!


My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life


I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming


My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way

Saturday, October 21, 2006

happy diwali

May This Diwali be as bright as ever.
May this Diwali bring joy, health and wealth to you.
May the festival of lights brighten up you and your near and dear ones lives.
May this Diwali bring in u the most brightest and choicest happiness and love you have ever Wished for.
May this Diwali bring you the utmost in peace and prosperity.
May lights triumph over darkness.
May peace transcend the earth.
May the spirit of light illuminate the world.
May the light that we celebrate at Diwali show us the way and lead us together on the path of peace and social harmony
"WISH U A VERY HAPPY DIWALI"

really touching

this is really touchin ..............

Sanjay, a rich guy, loved fast cars and he did have a few in his

possession.

He loved to speed and could not be bothered about breaking speed

limits. Many a times he was

caught by the cops and speed radars, fined, but still he never

bothered until.

One day as he was driving at a very high speed as usual, he saw

a cop following him. The cop overtook him finally and asked him to stop

and

checked his license. He then took out his pad and started

Writing, and then handed over the sheet of paper to Sanjay.

How much was this one going to cost?!!!

Wait a minute.

What was this????

Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket.

Sanjay began to read:

"Dear Sanjay,

Once upon a time I had a lovely daughter. She was six when

killed by a car.

You guessed it - a speeding driver's car.

A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to

hug his three daughters.

I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven,

before I can ever hug her again.

A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand

times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it

again. Even now. Pray for me.. And be careful, Sanjay, my son is

all I have left."

Sanjay turned around in time to see the cop's car pull away and

head down the road.

He watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he

too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and

hugging a surprised

wife and kids when he arrived.

Life is precious. Handle it with care.

Funny how you can send a thousand jokes' through e-mail and they

spread

like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the

sanctity of life, people think

twice about sharing. Funny, how when you go to forward this

message, you will not send it to

many on your address list because you're not sure what they

believe, or what they will think of

you, for sending it to them.

Pass this on, you may save a life. Then maybe not, but we'll

never know until WE TRY

Friday, October 20, 2006

Old Story new Twist

this was amazing..... ..


> Here is a good Story for you all:
>
> READ ON THE FOLLOWING STORY AND TELL ME
> IS RESERVATION FARE?

> THE OLD VERSION
> The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long building his
> houseand laying up supplies for the winter.
> The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays
> the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The
> grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
>
> MODERN VERSION...
> The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
> house and laying up supplies for the winter.The grasshopper thinks the
> ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
>
> Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and
> demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
> while others are cold and starving.
>
> BBC, CNN, EURO-NEWS, NDTV, FOX NEWS show up to provide pictures of
> the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his
> comfortable
> home with a table filled with food.
> The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this
> poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
> Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house.
> Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Government for
> notupholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.
> The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the
> grasshopper.
> Opposition MP's stage a walkout.Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh"
> in
> West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
>
> Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justic
> Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General
> Assembly...
>
> Got The Answer...???
>
> YES... You Got It Right...
>
> Some call it RESERVATION and Some call it QUOTA!
>

Y U SCRAP????

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:?
Two persons sitting side by side using scraps to communicate with each
other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:?
Two persons fighting through scraps.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:??
Receiving no scaps for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:?
The scrap server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:?
Writing a love scrap and doing a 'Send All.

HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT:?
A person sending scaps to a girl wanting to become friends and getting
a reply.

HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:?
A person sending scap to himself.

HEIGTHT OF EXPECTATION:?Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing
them to win a match .

HEIGHT OF REPETITION:?
Forwarding an scrap to someone and receiving the same scrap forwarded
back to you By some one in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF BROWSING:?
U r swimming in the water tank and shout "F1 F1 F1?" instead of
shouting "HELP" when u are unable to swim

HEIGHTS OF CATCHING SOMEONE DOING SOMETHING ?
U are similing right now

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

realise the value..

To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident...

To! realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when

you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

The origin of this letter is unknown,

Forward it to friends to whom you wish good luck

Peace, love and prosperity to all.

George Bush

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk
he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him
what his name is.
"Bob".

"And what is your question, Bob?"

"I have 3 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the
support of the UN?

Second, why are you President when Kerry got more
votes?

And third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?"


Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush
informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?

Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a
question?"


A different little boy puts up his hand. George
points him out and asks him what his name is?

"Steve"

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the
support of the UN?

Second, why are you President when Kerry got more
votes?

Third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes
early?!

And fifth, Where is "Bob"??!!!!

Classic definitions and cool meanings:

Classic definitions and cool meanings:

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with
fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day
internationals
are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses
his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from
the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without
passing

through "the minds of either".

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number
present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is
defeated by feminine water-power .

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks,nobody listens
&
everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a
feeling
you have never felt before.

12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not
read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your
strenuous home life.

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their
mouth.

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know
more than you actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and
sitto
decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during
life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in
such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if
he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel
Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet"

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

our dear teachers

What the teacher says and (what the teacher really means).

1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information
from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).

2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).

3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact
with fiction.
(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).

4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating
that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).

5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).

6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).

7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public
discussions.
(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment
she creates a class argument).

8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
(He's a bully).

9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to
explore new territory.
(Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond).

10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
(She's so immature that we've run out of diapers).

11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very
expressive and open.
(He must have written the Whiner's Guide).

12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress
would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning
environment.
(Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and
must repeat the 8th grade).

13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome!
(A mouth that never stops yacking).

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Gone are the days

Gone are the days..

When
The school reopened in June, And we settled in our new desks and benches!
When we queued up in book depot,And got our new books and notes!
When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays,Yet managed to line up daily for the morning prayers.
We learnt writing with slates and pencils, and Progressed To fountain pens and ball pens and then Micro tips!
When we began drawing with crayons and evolved to Color pencils and finally sketch pens!
When we started calculating first with tables and then with Clarke's tables and advanced to Calculators and computers!
When we chased one another in the corridors in Intervals, and returned to the classrooms Drenched in sweat!
When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors, Playgrounds, under the trees and even in cycle sheds!
When all the colors in the world, Decorated the campus on the Second Saturdays!
When a single P.T. period in the week's Time Table, Was awaited more eagerly than the monsoons!
When cricket was played with writing pads as bats, And Neckties and socks rolled into balls!
When few played "kabadi" and "Kho-Kho" in scorching sun,While others simply played "book cricket" in the Confines of classroom!
Of fights but no conspiracies, Of Competitions but seldom jealousy!
When we used to watch Live Cricket telecast,in the opposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks!
When few rushed at 3:45 to "Conquer" window seats in our School bus!
While few others had "Big Fun", "peppermint", "kulfi", " milk ice !" and "sharbat !" at 4o Clock!
Gone are the days Of Sports Day, and the annual School Day ,And the one-month long preparations for them.
Gone are the days Of the stressful Quarterly, Half Yearly and Annual Exams, And the most enjoyed holidays after them!
Gone are the days of tenth and twelfth standards, when We Spent almost the whole year writing revision tests!
We learnt,
We enjoyed,
We played,
We won,
We lost,
We laughed,
We cried,
We fought,
We thought.

With so much fun in them, so many friends,

So much experience, all this and more!

Gone are the days When we used to talk for hours with our friends!
Now we don't have time to say a 'Hi'!
Gone are the days When we played games on the road!
Now we Code on the road with laptop!
Gone are the days When we saw stars Shining at Night!
Now we see stars when our code doesn't Work!
Gone are the days when we even troubled the girls/boys on the street!
now we do have girls/boys around us but still dont find time to talk to them
Gone are the days When we sat to chat with Friends on grounds!
Now we chat in chat rooms.....!
Gone are the days Where we studied just to pass!
Now we study to save our job!
Gone are the days Where we had no money in our pockets and still fun filled on our hearts!!
Now we have the atm as well as credit card but with an empty heart!!
Gone are the days Where we shouted on the road!
Now we don't shout even at home.
Gone are the days Where we got lectures from all!
Now we give lectures to all... like the one I'm doing now....!!
Gone are the days But not the memories, which will be Lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and Ever and ever and ever .....
Gone are the Days.... But still there are lot more Days to come in our Life!!

NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE ,

DONT FORGET TO

LIVE THE LIFE THAT STILL EXISTS....

HAVE A GOOD DAY!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Sinking Titanic

Titanic was about to sink. People on the ship were shouting, crying,
running and praying to God - just then a passenger had the following
conversation with the captain.

Passenger: How far is land, from here?

Captain: Two miles...

Passenger: Only two miles, then why these fools are making noise. I
have the experience of swimming even more.

Captain: .....????

Passenger: Just tell me in which direction, land is two miles from here?

Captain: Downward...

Friday, September 22, 2006

DEADLY PJ'S OF THE WEEK

Deadly PJs....Commit suicide at your own risk...
One







3 + 3 =8
Bataaon Kaise?











Bataaon Bataaon!







Nahi Pata?!!








Are
Galati se!!!!!!!!!!!




zindegi ek paheli hai...
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scroll karne se solve nahi hogi....





Teacher: 'A' for?
Student: Apple !!!
Teacher: Jor se bolo
Student: JAI MATA DI






Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki.

shivji khush .

Prakat hue ...

bole ...

.

.

.

.

.

puttar maang ...

maang kya chahiye tujhey !

bakth utha ...

bole shivji ...

mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do !

shivji bole kaisa gadha hai ?

unhone kaha ... puttar ...

tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai ...

kuch bada maang !

.

.

.

.

wo fir bola ... nahi ji ..mujhey to aap guitar hi do

shivji ne phir samajhaya .. abey .. kuch dhang ka maang ... !

par wo to ada hi hua tha ... bola nahi ... aap to mujhey guitar hi do !

shivji usey bade pyaar se khopch me lekar samjhane lage ... bole ..yaar tu

kuch aur maang .. guitar

na maang ...

wo bola ... nahi nahi nahi !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye ... ab

shivji gussey main aa gaye ... boley ,(scroll down)

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saale .. agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyo bajata :)










) Smoking
2) Drinking
3) Charas
4) Ganja
5) Chicken
6) Mutton
7) Oily food
8) Masala
9) Sleep & obesity
10) Pollution

=

Heart Attack

Matlab


scrolll down






DUS bahane karke le gaye DIL !!







What's the opposite of "Dominoes"???

think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think

tired of thinking???

Well the answer is "Domi doesn't know"



Whats the opposite of "Pizza Hut"



...


...

.


.....

okei don't kill me "Pizza Hutna math"




ok whats the opp of venky's..





venlocks...
(now,now,dont bang ur head plz..)









Whats the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?

Comepalakrishnan.


What is the opposite of Subramnium Swamy?

Subramanium Didn't See Me.











A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.

"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.

By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD
YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK!

WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."







A guy is traveling in a deluxe car in the desert. He wants to take a bath, but he hasn
't got a soap and there is no water anywhere around...

what can he do?









->>He will integrate his d-lux car to get Lux + c (constant of integration) Using the lux soap he will take bath in the
' c'.

one day a man calls his wife from his IDEA mobile
his call gets cross connected to some other lady.They still keep on talking..they start liking each other..and finally they get married.
what MORAL do u get???
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An IDEA can change your wife.







ek baar teen ants jarahi thee.......
to unhein cheenee(sugar) ki bori milti hie to pahlee do cheenti to usmein se cheenee ke dane utha leti hei but ek nahi uthati batao kyu ...........



kyunki






kyunki





use sugar ki beemari thee





A sardarji went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.


:-(

Guess why ?





because there it was written "Number dial karne se pehele do lagae"




a sardar goes to movie with 17 sardars
why?????????????








coz it was an adult movie n below 18 were not allowed





MALLIKA SHERAWAT KE MARNE KE BAAD USKI KABR PE KYA LIKHA HOGA?

"PEHLI BAR AKELI SOYI HAI.:"




how do u place a camel in a fridge in three steps??
...
...
1.open the fridge
2.keep the camel inside it
3.close the fridge
next one
>>
hoe do u place an elephant in the fridge in 4 steps??
..
...
..
1.open fridge 2.take the camel out
3.place the elephant inside
4.close the door


there was a jungle meeting. all the animals were required to report. all of them turned out, except one. who was it and why??


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.the elephant... u put it in the refridgerator, remember ???



now u have to cross a river which ios inhabited by deadly crocodiles...but any way u have to cross that river ...how will u cross that ?
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it simple ...as all animals are attending the meeting ...so no crocodiles are there..so u can cross easily...

Okay in the jungle meeting where all the animals reported, they were welcomed with gutkha.....only one animal requested for a particular brand. which animal and which brand?







Ans: the animal is giraffe and he opted for "Manikchand" (Unche log unchi pasand !!!)


king lion goes on a search to find elephant
and has absolutely no problem in locatin this camel......y??





becoz our elephant kept his footwear outside the fridge.





suppose u need 2 transport all the things in ur house 4 relocating..suppose u go by aircraft ... it is losing height and pilot asks u throw something away to reduce load...what is the thing u will throw away to reduce the load??
...
...
the elephant in the fridge!!!!!!!!

two persons r talkin by the swimming pool...one says he wont swim bcoz he is afraid of dying bcoz of drowning.....the other one says ....hey dont be afraid..i'll show u how 2 swim and he dives in the pool n starts swimming....
suddenly, the man outside the pool dies...
........
...........
guess why????????
..........
.........
.........
the elephant falls on him.......
.......
......
ok enough time pass one final Q

ek haathi agar swimming pool mein gir gaya
to kaise bahar nikalega???????
........
........
think
....
think....
......
......
......
.......
.......
.......
.......
geela ho ke nikalega......





ek aadmi marne vala hei to use kya khilaoge ........

sweets nops






sault nopes








think





think









are yaar
birla white cement
kyunki iske ander jaan hei.......






whats difference between a man jumping from 1st floor and a man jumping from 10th floor?
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former goes (hit) aaaaaaaaa
later goes aaaaaaaaa (hit)




Other than being fruits, what is common between an Apple and an Orange?


think......
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...........
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...........
socho socho
...........
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...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
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the answer is ..........
They Both Are Not a Banana !!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

True Story of Pakistan

Visit the link below to find the real story of Pakistan:

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Pakistan

Photos of Ganesh Immersion

Visit this link to photos taken after Ganesh Immersion in Mumbai (Bombay)

http://www.ultrabrown.com/posts/the-battle-of-kurukshetra

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Mathemagic

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321


1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111


9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And finally, take a look at this symmetry:


1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321­­­

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Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Know Everybody!

Banta was bragging to his boss one day," You know, I know everyone
there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Banta how about
Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Banta and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's
door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Banta! Great to see you!
You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Banta's boss is still skeptical. After they leave
Cruise's house, he tells Banta that he thinks Banta is knowing Cruise
was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Banta says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Banta says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
At the White House, Clinton spots Banta on the tour and motions him
and his boss over, saying, "Banta, what a surprise, I was just on my
way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and have a cup of
coffee first."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House, he expresses his doubts to Banta,
who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Banta. "My folks are from Poland, and I have known the
pope a long time."
So they fly to Rome. Banta and his boss are assembled with the masses
in Vatican Square when Banta says, "This will never work. I cannot
catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all
the guards so let me just go upstairs and I will come out on the
balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure
enough, half an hour later Banta emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Banta returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart
attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss side, Banta asks him, "What happened?" His
boss looks up and says," I was doing fine until you and the Pope came
out on the balcony and the man next to me said," Who is that on the
balcony with Banta?"

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Say Cheese

Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary, all
with very big smiles on their faces. The medical examiner calls the
police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent
and is taken to the first body.
"He was a BJP leader, 65 years of age, died of heart failure whilst
making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,"
says the medical examiner.
The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man.
"He was a minister from ruling Congress party, was 70, made a pile
from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol
poisoning, hence the smile."
"Nothing unusual here", thinks the Inspector, and asks to be shown the
last body.
"Ah," says the medical examiner. "This is the most unusual one. MP
from Bihar, 60, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector.
To which the medical officer replies, "He thought he was having his
picture taken."

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Indian Hell

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is different
hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to
spend his eternity.

He goes to American hell and asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the American
devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day".

The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He
checks out the Australian hell as well as the Russian hell and many
more. He discovers that they are all similar to the American hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line
of people waiting to get in.

Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Indian devil
comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

But that is exactly the same as all the other hells why are there so
many people waiting to get in?" asked the man.

"Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair does not
work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is
comfortable to sleep on. And the Indian devil used to be a civil
servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for
private business."

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Automatic Landing

At the time of Indo-Pak war in 1971, Pakistan Air Force had just
acquired the state of the art Sabre jet from US. The jet had some
outstanding technical features which were being explained by a US
instructor to some trainee Paksitani pilots. The US instructor
explained the aircraft`s automatic take off, automatic maneuvring,
automatic supersonic acceleration, automatic weapon loading and
automatic firing.
Eventually, one Pakistani pilot asked, "Sir, How do we land this aircraft?"
The US instructor said, "Son, Leave that to the Indian Air Force."
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Kargil

The Sikh regiment was climbing a hill in the Kargil sector during the
war when suddenly from the direction of the summit the Pakistani
regiment opened fire on them. The Sikh regiment took cover behind
boulders and started to return the firing. The firing continued for a
long time and no progress was made so the Sikh regiment's captain
thought that since the names of almost all the pakistani soldiers are
like yusuf iqbal mustafa etc. he'll call out their names and the
moment they react to the call we'll shoot them.
So he started calling out-"Yusuf" four hands shot up and they were
gunned down. Then the captain called out-"iqbal" three hands shot up
and they were gunned down this continued for a few more minutes till
the Pakistani's got wise and stopped responding.
The Pakistani captain then thought that at this rate all his men would
be killed so he adopted the strategy of the Sikh captain and thought
that all Sikhs have names rhyming with Inder like Sukhwinder,
Devender, Jaswinder etc.
So the Pakistani captain started calling out "Sukhwinder" no hands
shot up from the Indian side. The Pakistani captain again called
out-"Sukhwinder" still no hands shot up.
The Pakistani captain called out the same name twice again when
instantly came the reply that-
"Oye Sukhwinder nu kaun yaad kar-riya si?"(who is remembering Sukhwinder?).
The Pakistani commander immediately shot up his hand and
said-"Main"(me) and BANG he was shot dead.
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What a balance?

God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining
his subordinates ...............
"Look everything should be in balance. For every 10 deer`s there
should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of
the united states. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But
at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension.... And here
is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I
have given them climatic extremes.... And here is south America. I
have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given
them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So
you see fellows, everything should be in balance."
One of the angels asked... "God, what is this beautiful country here?"
God said "Aha...that is the crown piece of all. INDIA. My most
precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling
streams, serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great
tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a heart
of gold....."
The angel was quite surprised "But God you said everything should be
in balance."
God replied "Look at the neighbors I gave them" !!
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Leave Letters

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by
people in
various places of India...

1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:

Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife,
please
sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was
performing
the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was
performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it,
please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:

"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not
return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter

"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I
request you
to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note:

"I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one:

"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at
home I
may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: -

"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:

"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an
Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several
years
and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Top Jokes in different countries

Top Jokes in different countries


Here are some of the top jokes in different countries:

Top joke in UK

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the
ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of
the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The
driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and
tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Top joke in USA

The American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a well
known humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American
newspapers. In January 2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to
LaughLab. At the end of the column he urged readers to submit jokes
that simply ended with the punch line:
'There's a weasel chomping on my privates.'

Within just a few days we had received over 1500 'weasel chomping' jokes.

One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the
funniest joke in America. Here it is:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and
asked the Major: "Major Barry, what the devil's wrong with Sergeant
Jones' platoon? They seem to be all twitching and jumping about."
"Well sir," says Major Barry after a moment of observation. "There
seems to be a weasel chomping on his privates."

However, ignoring the weasels, the top American joke was…

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf
course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a
long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in
mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in
prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and
touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man
then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Top joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered
that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the
problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a
pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost
any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below
freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

Top joke in Australia

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all
strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke
up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all
wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were
bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face!
What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says:
"Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your
eyesight...."

Top joke in Belgium

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

Top joke in Germany

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier
would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not
it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the
general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The
psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out
his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and
said: "That's it."

SOURCE:http://www.laughlab.co.uk/topByCountry.html

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See Windows Vista in Action without installing anything

http://labnol.blogspot.com/2006/06/see-windows-vista-in-action-without.html

Or go Directly to :http://www.seewindowsvista.com/

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Bangalore for you

Here r some interesting facts about Bangalore
1. Bangalore has the impeccable record of highest growth within a span
of 20 Years.
2. Bangalore has highest number of pubs in Asia.
3. Bangalore has highest number of cigarette smokers in India.
4. Bangalore has the highest number of software companies in India
-212, followed by Hyderabad - 108, Pune - 97. Hence called the Silicon
Valley of India
5. Bangalore has more than 40 engineering colleges, which is highest
in the world in a given city. Bangalore University has 57 Engineering
colleges affiliated to it, which is highest in the world.
6. Bangalore is the only city in the world to have commercial and
defence Airport operating from the same strip.
7. Bangalore has highest number of public sectors and government
Organizations in India.
8. Bangalore university has highest number of students going abroad
for higher studies taking the first place from IIT-Kanpur.
9. Bangalore has only 48% of local population( i.e.Kannadigas ).Hence
a true cosmopolitan with around 25% Tamilians,14%Telugites, 10%
Keralites, 8% Europeans, 6% a mixture of all races.
10. Bangalore police has the reputation of being second best in India
after Delhi.
11. Bangalore has the highest density of traffic in india.
12. Bangalore has the highest number of 2-wheelers in the world.
13. Bangalore is considered the fashion capital of east comparable to Paris
15. Bangalore has produced the maximum international sportsmen in
India for all sports ahead of even Mumbai & Delhi.
16. Bangalore has produced the maximum number of scientists considered
for Nobel Prize nominations.
17. Bangalore has produced the highest number of professionals in USA
almost 60% of the Indian population abroad is from Bangalore (except
Gulf).
18. Bangalore is famous for THREE: Software Professionals, Girls and
Dogs. This one is Ultimate.
19. Bangalore is famous for its dog bites, an average of 12 people
are bitten by stray dogs per MINUTE somewhere in Bangalore!!!

Bangalore Rocks .........

True Story About TajMahal

No one has ever challenged it except Prof. P. N. Oak, who believes
> >the
> >whole world has been duped. In his book Taj Mahal: The True Story, Oak
> >says the Taj Mahal is not Queen Mumtaz's tomb but an ancient Hindu
> >temple palace
> >of Lord Shiva (then known as Tejo Mahalaya). In the course of his
> >research
> >Oak discovered that the Shiva temple palace was usurped by Shah Jahan
> >from then Maharaja of Jaipur, Jai Singh. In his own court chronicle,
> >Badshahnama, Shah Jahan admits that an exceptionally beautiful grand
> >mansion in Agra was taken from Jai SIngh for Mumtaz's burial . The
> >ex-Maharaja of
> >Jaipur still retains in his secret collection two orders from Shah
> >Jahan for
> >surrendering the Taj building. Using captured temples and mansions, as
> >a burial place for dead courtiers and royalty was a common practice
> >among Muslim rulers.
> >
> >For example, Humayun,Akbar, Etmud-ud-Daula and Safdarjung are all
> >buried in such mansions. Oak's inquiries began with the name of Taj
> >Mahal. He
> >says the term "Mahal" has never been used for a building in any Muslim
> >countries from Afghanisthan to Algeria. "The unusual explanation that
> >the term
> >Taj Mahal derives from Mumtaz Mahal was illogical in atleast two
> >respects.
> >
> >Firstly, her name was never Mumtaz Mahal but Mumtaz-ul-Zamani, " he
> >writes. Secondly, one cannot omit the first three letters 'Mum' from a
> >woman's
> >name to derive the remainder as the name for the building."Taj Mahal,
> >he claims, is a corrupt version of Tejo Mahalaya, or Lord Shiva's
> >Palace .
> >Oak also says the love story of Mumtaz and Shah Jahan is a fairy tale
> >created by court sycophants, blundering historians and sloppy
> >archaeologists . Not
> >a single royal chronicle of Shah Jahan's time corroborates the love
> >story.
> >
> >Furthermore, Oak cites several documents suggesting the Taj Mahal
> >predates Shah Jahan's era, and was a temple dedicated to Shiva,
> >worshipped by
> >Rajputs of Agra city. For example, Prof. Marvin Miller of New York took
> >a few samples from the riverside doorway of the Taj. Carbon dating
> >tests
> >revealed that the door was 300 years older than Shah Jahan. European
> >traveler
> >Johan Albert Mandelslo,who visited Agra in 1638 (only seven years after
> >Mumtaz's death), describes the life of the cit y in his memoirs. But he
> >makes no
> >reference to the Taj Mahal being built. The writings of Peter Mundy, an
> >English visitor to Agra within a year of Mumtaz's death, also suggest
> >the Taj was a noteworthy building well before Shah Jahan's time.
> >
> >Prof. Oak points out a number of design and architectural
> >inconsistencies
> >that support the belief of the Taj Mahal being a typical Hindu temple
> >rather
> >than a mausoleum. Many rooms in the Taj ! Mahal have remained sealed
> >since Shah Jahan's time and are still inaccessible to the public. Oak
> >asserts they contain a headless statue of Lord Shiva and other objects
> >commonly used for worship rituals in Hindu temples . Fearing political
> >backlash, Indira Gandhi's government tried to have Prof. Oak's book
> >withdrawn from the bookstores, and threatened the Indian publisher of
> >the first edition dire consequences . There is only one way to
> >discredit or
> >validate Oak's research.
> >
> >The current government should open the sealed rooms of the Taj Mahal
> >under U.N. supervision, and let international experts investigate.
> >
> >Do circulate this to all you know and let them know about this
> >reality.....
> >