Monday, July 30, 2007

Do you know?

Letters 'a', 'b', 'c' & 'd' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 99
(Letter 'd' comes for the first time in Hundred)

Letters 'a', 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999
(Letter 'a' comes for the first time in Thousand)

Letters 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999,999,999
(Letter 'b' comes for the first time in Billion)


Letter 'c' does not appear anywhere in in the spellings of entire English Counting

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007


1) If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on your right side.

If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on your left side

2) If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. For when a
human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.

3) Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

4) Your tongue is germ free only if it is pink. If it is white there is
a thin film of bacteria on it.

5) The Mercedes-Benz motto is 'Das Beste oder Nichts' meaning 'the best or nothing'.

6) The Titanic was the first ship to use the SOS signal.

7) The pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person
looks at something pleasing.

8) The average person who stops smoking requires one hour less sleep a night.

9) Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system. Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.

10) The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not
the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.

11) Dalmatians are born without spots.

12) Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

13) The 'v' in the name of a court case does not stand for 'versus', but
for 'and' (in civil proceedings) or 'against' (in criminal proceedings)

14) Men's shirts have the buttons on the right, but women's shirts have
the buttons on the left

15) The owl is the only bird to drop its upper eyelid to wink. All other
birds raise their lower eyelids

16) The reason honey is so easy to digest is that it's already been
digested by a bee

17) Roosters cannot crow if they cannot extend their necks

18) The color blue has a calming effect. It causes the brain to release
calming hormones

19) Every time you sneeze some of your brain cells die

20) Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for your heart

21) The verb "cleave" is the only English word with two synonyms which
are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate

22) When you blush, the lining of your stomach also turns red

23) When hippos are upset, their sweat turns red

24) The first Harley Davidson motorcycle was built in 1903, and used a
tomato can for a carburetor

25) The lion that roars in the MGM logo is named Volney

26) Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros

27) Switching letters is called spoonerism. For example, saying jag of
Flapan, instead of flag of Japan

28) It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and 200 million to
make a film about it

29) The attachment of the human skin to muscles is what causes dimples

30) There are 1,792 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower

31) The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound
of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting

32) Human hair and fingernails continue to grow after death

33) It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body

34) The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets

35) Most soccer players run 7 miles in a game

36) The only part of the body that has no blood supply is the cornea
the eye. It takes in oxygen directly from the air

37) Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born,
and 140,000 people die

38) In most watch advertisements the time displayed on the watch is
10:10 because then the arms frame the brand of the watch
(and make it look like it is smiling.)

39) Colgate faced big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking
countries. Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."

40) The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning its
head are the rabbit and the parrot

41) Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair

42) The average person laughs 13 times a day

43) Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are:
Mizaru(See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil), and Mazaru(Speak no evil)

44) Women blink nearly twice as much as men

45) German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog

46) Large kangaroos cover more than 30 feet with each jump

47) Whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound

48) Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two
thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded,
trampling the two hapless protesters to death

49) If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in
the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the
air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if
the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural cause

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How a man withdraws cash from ATM.
1) Park the car
2) Go to ATM
3) Insert card
4) Enter PIN
5) Take money
6) Drive away
How a woman withdraws cash from ATM
1) Park the car
2) Check makeup
3) Turn off engine
4) Check makeup
5) Go to ATM
6) Hunt for ATM card in the purse.
7) Insert card
8) Hit Cancel
9) Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it.
10) Insert card
11) Enter PIN
12) Take cash
13) Go to car
14) Check makeup
15) Start car
16) Stop car
17) Run back to ATM
18) Take ATM card
19) Back to car
20) Check makeup
21) Start car
22) Check makeup
23) Drive for 1/2 mile
24) Release handbrake
25) Drive on.

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Smart Barber, Dumb KID

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

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Kid who did not want to go to school

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."

SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."

MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

SON : "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."

MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."

SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"

MOM : "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your

responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.

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1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat
and presentable girls.

2. Guys hate flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're
not thinking the way he is.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the
first usual questions a guy asks on the
phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about.

7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad

8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can't. And they sure have one habit to gain courage and spirit to
tell you many things and it is drinking!

13. Guys cry!!!

14. Don't provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this
makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never
mind!" would make him jump to a
conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when
they talk to a girl they really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're
asking him to do you a favor,
he's actually saying that he doesn't like you and he can't lay
down the card for you.

22. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the
message clearly.

24. Guys hate gays!

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple
of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't
mean that the guy likes her.

28 You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of
the earth faster than girls can.

31. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let
him wait that long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that
much pretty.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his
problems with you may end up being
admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases

40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily
get the wrong one.

43. Guys virtually brag about anything.

44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45. Guys think too much.

46. Guys' fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does!

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too
possessive. So watch out girls!!!

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard
for him to let go of that girl.

50. It's not easy for a guy to let go of his girl friend after they broke
up especially when they've been together
for 3 years or more.

51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved
with that guy.

52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's
too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt,
he won't be matured and grow up.

53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot
more than girls do. They could even
hurt themselves physically.

54. Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.

55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats with their girlfriends.

56. When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he's sweating. You'll
probably see that he is nervous.

57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying,
"Please come and listen to me"

59. Guys don't really have final decisions.

60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.

61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.

62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

63. Guys believe that there's no such thing as love at first sight, but
court the girls anyway and then realize at the
end that he is wrong.

64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

65. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure
unless the girl tells him.

67. A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way
a girl would do over her romance
novels and make-ups.

68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.

69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!

70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

71. A guy's friend knows everything about him. Use this to your

72.. Don't be a snob. Guys may eas ily give up on the first sign of

73.. Don't be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you'll be

74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than
attracting guys.

75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is
about girls.

76. Guys don't comprehend the statement "Get lost" too well.

77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable
decisions but still love them more.

78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he
finds them offending and he just tried to
be polite.

79. Guys don't care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.

80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know
them,they'll realize they're wrong.

81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He's just too
stubborn to deal with it.

82. Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

83. Guys' weakest point is at the knee.

84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is
already thinking of a way out.

85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at
fixing things.

86. When a guy looks at you, either he's amazed of you or he's
criticizing you.

87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance,
give it to him. But when you catch
him again and he asks for another chance, ignore him.

88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.

89. If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at
you and it obviously shows that he is
jealous whenever you're with your boyfriend, all I can say is your
boy best friend loves you more than
your boyfriend does.

90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls
read and take as their basis of experience.

91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in
front of you!

92. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

93. When a guy says he can't sleep if he doesn't hear your voice even
just for one night, hang up. He also tells
that to another girl. He only flatters you and sometimes makes fun
of you.

94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him
praying sometimes.

95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

96. Girls are allowed to touch boys' things. Not their hair!

97. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you

98. Guys hate girls who overreact.

99. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your

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10 Steps To Better Decision Making

1. Making a difficult choice can seem harrowing when you feel you're working alone. Involve others in your decision making by asking for criticism and seeking advice from those who can approach the choice from a fresh perspective. Listen to opinions that fall on both sides of the topic at hand. You may also want to consult an expert.

2. Learn from your mistakes as well as your triumphs. Examine decisions you have made in the past as they will teach you more than you will learn from most other sources. Though some decisions will not seem important, all decisions shape our lives and should be regarded as educational. Apply that knowledge to your current dilemma.

3. A good decision acted upon in a timely matter is always better than a great one acted upon too late. It is important to recognize that you will never know enough to make the perfect decision. Don't become paralyzed by your need to foresee all possible outcomes to every possible choice.

4. Involve your head and your heart. Ask both practical questions and personal questions about the problem at hand. Considering the facts as well as your feelings (and the feelings of others) when examining your options will ensure that you make a balanced decision.

5. Before anything else, focus on the most basic, necessary results. Often, a decision maker will get bogged down thinking about the non-essential elements of a decision. Avoid considering extraneous factors and far-fetched perfect outcomes. Ask yourself, "What needs to be done?"

6. Consider the entire range of possibilities, no matter how unlikely. When faced with a complex decision, brainstorm by yourself or with others to find as many of the vital elements as possible. Evaluate those elements as they relate to the choice you must make.

7. It was a wise person who noted that, "you can't please all of the people all of the time." Almost all decisions will involve some dissatisfaction or conflict. Some decisions may even create new problems. Once you have made a decision, stand by it. Keep in mind that you have used your best judgment and it was the best choice at the time.

8. Don't waste time on poor choices. Reject poor choices, even if you've begun to implement them, and stop doing the things that aren't working, so you can focus on the solutions that have strong potential.

9. Consult with the people who will be directly affected by your decision. People appreciate being heard and enjoy when their opinions are seen as valuable. Even making a simple choice can have a profound impact on those around you.

10. It is easy to dismiss your intuition, but in doing so, you may be disregarding valuable insight and even solutions. Ask yourself what choices you would make if you weren't afraid and then see what your subconscious offers as an answer. Try to ignore the fear of error when consulting your "gut."

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Tongue Twisters

Peter bought a butter,
The butter Peter bought was bitter,
So Peter Bought A better butter,
To make the bitter butter better.


How much wood would a woodchuck chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could,
and chuck as much wood as a wood chuck would
if a woodchuck could chuck wood.


Which witch wished which wicked wish?


Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers?
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?


She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore,
I'm sure she sells seashore shells.


A flea and a fly flew up in a flue.
Said the flea, "Let us fly!"
Said the fly, "Let us flee!"
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.


Betty Botter had some butter,
But, she said, "this butter's bitter.
If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter that would make my batter better.
So she bought a bit of butter,
better than her bitter butter,
And she baked it in her batter,
and the batter was not bitter.
So 'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.


A big black bug bit a big black bear,
made the big black bear bleed blood.


Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.


A bitter biting bittern Bit a better brother bittern,
And the bitter better bittern Bit the bitter biter back.
And the bitter bittern, bitten, By the better bitten bittern,
Said: "I'm a bitter biter bit, alack!"


Mr. See owned a saw.
And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
Before Soar saw See,
Which made Soar sore.
Had Soar seen See's saw before See sawed Soar's seesaw,
See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw.
So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore
Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw!


Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep.
The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed shilly-shallied south.
These sheep shouldn't sleep in a shack;
sheep should sleep in a sack.

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Sunday, July 22, 2007

Technically correct!!!

A helicopter was flying above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it up in the helicopter window.
The pilot's sign said, "Where am I?" in large letters.
The people in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it to the window of their building.
Their sign read, "You are in a helicopter."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at the map, determined the course to steer to the SEATAC airport and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the "You are in a helicopter" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer!"

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Smart Soldiers

There were three generals, one Chinese, an Iraqi, and a Turk. They were bragging about how good each of their armies were.

The Chinaman said, "My army would kill themselves for their country!"

Then he put a platoon in a little room and told them, "When this feather hits the floor I want all of you to shoot yourselves!"

He then went outside the room and five seconds later there were numerous gunshots and everyone in the room was dead.

Next came the Turkish General and he said the same thing to one of his platoons. About seven seconds later they heard gunshots and once again everyone was dead.

Finally came the Iraqi and he did the same to his platoon. Several seconds past and there were no gunshots. They decided to wait a little longer. Then several more seconds past and still no gunshots.

Finally they went in and the whole Iraqi platoon was on the floor blowing under the feather to keep it up.

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Trap ???

A large group of Pakistani soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a Indian voice call from behind a sand dune. "One Indian Army soldier is better than ten Pakistanis."
The Pakistani commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle breaks and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One Indian Army soldier is better than fifty Pakistanis."
Furious, the Pakistani commander sends his next best 50 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The Indian voice calls out again "One Indian Army soldier is better than one hundred Pakistanis."
The enraged Pakistani Commander musters one hundred of his best fighters and sends then across the dune. Gunfire, grenades, machine gun fire, rockets, etc. ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Pakistani fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his Commander, "Don`t send anymore men, its a trap...there`s two of them!"

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Lipstick Problem

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. After applying lipstick in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints [purportedly practicing the perfect pucker].

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together who wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2 pm.

They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.

The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was to remove the waxy lipstick, and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean. The custodian then demonstrated...

He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007


i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a
wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed
it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I
awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.


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Standing at the Window

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm.

He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods.

He Practiced in the woods, but he could never hit the target.

Getting A little discouraged, he headed back for dinner. As he was Walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck.

Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck Square in the head, and killed it. He was shocked and grieved.

In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile, only to see His sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.

After lunch the next day Grandma said, "Sally, let's wash the Dishes." But Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in The kitchen." Then she whispered to him, " Remember the duck?" So Johnny did the dishes.

Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go Fishing and Grandma said, "I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make Supper."

Sally just smiled and said," Well that's all right because Johnny told Me he wanted to help." She whispered again, "Remember the duck? " So Sally Went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.

After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's, He finally couldn't stand it any longer. He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.

Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug, and said,"Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long You would let Sally make a slave of you. "

Thought for the day and every day thereafter?

Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done... And the devil Keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad Habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.)...whatever it is...You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing.... He has seen your whole life.

He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven

He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave Of you

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Saturday, July 14, 2007

Who's your Barber?

A man went to a  barbershop to have his hair cut and
his beard

As the barber  began to work, they began to have a
They talked about  so many things and various
subjects. When
they eventually touched on  the subject of God, the
barber said: "I
don't believe that God exists." "Why do you say that?"
asked the
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to
realize that God
 doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be
so many sick
 people? Would there be abandoned children? If God
there would  be neither suffering nor pain. I can't
imagine a loving God who
would allow all of these  things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond
didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished
his job and
the customer left the shop. Just after he left the
barbershop, he saw
a man in  the street with long, stringy, dirty hair
and an untrimmed
 beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.

 The customer turned back and entered the barber shop
and he said
 to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can
you say
 that?" asked the surprised barber.  "I am here, and I
am a barber.
And I just worked on you!" "No!" the customer
exclaimed. "Barbers
don't exist because if they  did, there would be no
people with dirty
long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man
outside." "Ah, but
barbers DO
 exist! That's what happens when people do not come to

"Exactly!", affirmed the customer.  "That's the point!
God, too,
 exist!  That's what happens when people  do not go to
Him and
don't look to Him for help. That's why there's so much
pain and
suffering in the world." If you think God exists, send
this to other people

...If you think God does not exist, delete it!


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At St. Peter

A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever
> done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
> "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "On a trip to
> the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-
> testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed
> them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached
> the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the
> head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it
> on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or you'll answer to me!"
> St. Peter was impressed: "When did this happen?" "Just a couple of
> minutes ago..."

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On Second thoughts, Did you ever stop and wonder ?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!!)

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same

Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first

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Never mess with drunkards!

Two drunks stumble out of a pub in Ireland at about 4:00 in the morning. They stagger to the nearest lamppost and lean against it when along comes a policeman.


The first drunk pipes up, "Excuse me, ossifer, but I wonder could you tell me if the last bus to Dublin has left yet." To which the policeman replies "Of course it has. It's 4:00 in the morning."


The second drunk then weighs in and says, "Sorry, sir, but I wonder if the last bus to Galway has left yet." The officer again replies "Of course it has. It's 4:00 in the morning."


The first drunk then starts up again and asks, "Could you tell me please, ossifer, has the last bus to Cork gone yet."


The policeman is really irritated now so he shouts, "It's 4am, all the bloody  buses have gone!"


And with that the first drunk turns to his friend and says, "Ok, Mick, we can cross the road now."

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Its not a quiz. JUST 1 QUESTION

 You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy
  night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see
  three people waiting for the bus:
  1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
  2. An old friend who once saved your life.
  3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
  Which one would you choose to offer a ride to,
  knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?
  Think before you continue reading...
  This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once
  actually used as part of a job application.
  You could pick up the old lady, because she is going
  to die, and thus you should save her first;
  Or you could take the old friend who once
  saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to
  pay back. However, you may never be able to find
  your perfect mate again.
  The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants)
  had no trouble coming up with his answer.

  "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let to
  take the lady to the hospital.
  I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the
  partner of my dreams."
  Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up
  our stubborn thought limitations.

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Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will

1) Grab a calculator. (You wont be able to do this in
your head)
2) Key in the first three digits of your phone number
if ur phone number is 7 digits or else take the first
4 digits of ur number if its 8 digits.(only land line
(NOT the area code)
3) Multiply by 80
4) Add 1
5) Multiply by 250
6) Add the last four numbers of your phone number
7) Add the last four numbers of your phone number
8) Subtract 250
9) Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer ?

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Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Twenty Great One Liners................

1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.

5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

8. You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.

9. True friends stab you in the front.

10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.

20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

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Some Wacky Quotes

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an
hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S
- Albert Einstein

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working
the moment you get up in the morning and does not
stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's
there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain
the success of those we don't like?
- Jean Cocturan

It matters not whether you win or lose; what
matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg

Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will
remember you when he is
in trouble again.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand
wrong answers.

It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it
creative problem solving.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know
where to shop.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again,
neither does milk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to
shoot them.

Forgive your enemies but remember their names.

The number of people watching you is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Dont worry that the world ends today, its already
tomorrow in Australia!

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Jim and Mary

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sunk to the bottom & stayed there.
Mary promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Medical Director became aware of Mary's heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news & bad news."
"The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses."
"The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

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