Thursday, September 07, 2006

Top Jokes in different countries

Top Jokes in different countries

Here are some of the top jokes in different countries:

Top joke in UK

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the
ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of
the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The
driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and
tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Top joke in USA

The American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a well
known humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American
newspapers. In January 2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to
LaughLab. At the end of the column he urged readers to submit jokes
that simply ended with the punch line:
'There's a weasel chomping on my privates.'

Within just a few days we had received over 1500 'weasel chomping' jokes.

One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the
funniest joke in America. Here it is:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and
asked the Major: "Major Barry, what the devil's wrong with Sergeant
Jones' platoon? They seem to be all twitching and jumping about."
"Well sir," says Major Barry after a moment of observation. "There
seems to be a weasel chomping on his privates."

However, ignoring the weasels, the top American joke was…

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf
course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a
long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in
mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in
prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and
touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man
then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Top joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered
that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the
problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a
pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost
any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below
freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

Top joke in Australia

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all
strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke
up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all
wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were
bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face!
What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says:
"Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your

Top joke in Belgium

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

Top joke in Germany

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier
would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not
it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the
general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The
psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out
his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and
said: "That's it."



No comments: